Me a stress head?! …Neverrrr! Okay, so I can see those of you who know me rolling your eyes and prior to my Lupus diagnosis, you wouldn’t be wrong. Because let’s face it, someone who can over analyse the unpredictability of the future, over exaggerate the importance of issues in the present, whilst carrying the weight of worries from the past, sounds like a pretty damn stressy person to me. Maybe I was just so busy popping 100s of various pills for my undiagnosed symptoms that somewhere along the line I forgot to take my daily dose of ‘chill pill.’
I was third time divorcee Ross Geller and if someone ate my left over Thanksgiving turkey sandwich after I had LABELLED IT!… Then shit would hit the fan. Trying to juggle three jobs with a normal body would be pretty hectic, but add in an undiagnosed chronic illness and I was in quick sand.
So what happens to a borderline Britany Spears 07′ with a Lupus diagnosis on the horizon? Well…I guess there’s no need to shave your head, because let’s face it, it’s probably going to fall out sooner or later? So maybe it’s time to focus your energy on things that you can control… like your outlook on life? Your mental well-being?
A few weeks ago I took the plunge… I opened my web browser and googled meditation classes near me. Scrolled down to ‘I’m attending,’…click. Crap! I raced to the wardrobe (in the way that a chronically ill person would ‘race’ anyway…). What do meditators wear?!? I don’t have anything that looks half spiritual!! Naturally I started throwing clothes out my wardrobe like a maniac, until I resigned myself to the fact that I was just not cool enough to own clothes that make me look ‘at one with the universe,’ so sweatpants were going to have to do.
After pacing to and from the doorway a millions times and convincing myself that this was a terrible idea, a kind lady approached me and pointed up the stairs, ‘come dear join us in Sahaja Yoga.’
Of course I stuck out like a sore thumb, but unlike secondary school, no one made me feel that way. The room smelt of incense and the walls were covered with beautifully coloured deep red material with gold lacing. At the front of the class was a large photo of a lady who I can only describe as looking like a Buddha. I took a seat at the back of the class and mirrored the instructors movements… ‘ommmmmmm.’ Okay, I’m not going to lie. There were a few occasions where I had to really really bite my tounge to stop me screaming in hysterics , but once I was in the zone, I was in the zone.
Engaging in mindfulness has been one of the most positive experiences I’ve had since being diagnosed with Lupus. I would 100% recommend it to anyone finding themselves in a similar situation as me. In a world filled with so much pain and uncertainty, mindfulness can help you completely lose yourself and escape your daily stresses.
For me, being diagnosed with Lupus really changed my outlook on life. There is ultimately going to be a lot of things in my life that I can’t control and I’m so mentally and physically exhausted with battling this illness, that I don’t have time to worry about anything else other than enjoying my life. So what if the car in front takes too long to accelerate when the lights turn green? So what if someone takes to long to process your order at the till? Does it REALLY matter if not everyone likes you? No. You might not be everyone’s cuppa tea but I’m sure you’re someone’s Cappuccino! I’ve learnt that life is to short to be anything than honest or anyone other than you.
Unlike Ross Geller, I don’t hang around with Skeletons anymore, I’m having way to much fun hanging out with a amazing team of therapists on a daily basis and singing smelly cat…